Interacting With Your Child in a Montessori Way – Part 5
Today we conclude our series exploring how to interact with your child in a Montessori way by looking at a key to addressing negative behavior, Logical Consequences.
Logical Consequences
When there are behavioral problems, use logical consequences. Logical consequences should be respectful, relevant, and realistic.
- Stop the behavior
- Teach an alternative to the behavior
- Have the child state the rule
- As a parent, pull back the limits
- When child shows a working understanding of the rule, extend limits
When handling misbehavior, it is important to use a normal tone of voice and speak directly to the child. Focus on the behavior and not the child’s character. Be firm; this is not a time to negotiate. When deciding on the consequence, make sure the punishment fits the crime. The time frame needs to make sense to the child. A punishment that is either too long or too short is ineffective.
An example: Johnny is playing in his brother Grant’s room. Johnny has been told that he cannot play in his brother’s room without permission. Grant is at his friend’s house playing and Johnny sees Grant’s new airplane. Johnny says to himself, “I just want to touch it. I won’t break it.” He wanders into Grant’s room and is flying the plane around the room when the dog rushes in and jumps on Johnny. Johnny drops the plane, and it breaks. Johnny starts yelling at the dog and runs downstairs and tells his mom, “Spot broke Grant’s plane!” But did Spot break Grant’s plane? Mom investigates and finds that Johnny was not following the rules their family has in place and did indeed break Grant’s plane. An accident, but an avoidable one if Johnny had been following the house rules. When Grant arrives home, Mom sits Grant across from Johnny. Johnny admits his fault to his brother and apologizes. His brother is very upset. Mom then explains that Johnny will now earn the money to purchase Grant a new plan by doing a set amount of chores for the next two weeks. Johnny also promises not to go into Grant’s room again. Two weeks later, Mom takes Johnny and Grant to the store to purchase a new plan. Johnny pays for it himself and then hands the plane to Grant. This is a teachable moment for both Johnny and Grant. Johnny and Grant have both learned about accountability, consequences, and forgiveness.
Raising children is an awesome responsibility. No one will every say it is without challenges. But the rewards are amazing!
If you would like more help in parenting your child, we recommend the book Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children.
To let the child do as he likes when he has not yet developed any powers of control is to betray the idea of freedom. – Dr. Maria Montessori
Interacting With Your Child in a Montessori Way – Part 4
Today’s topic is Part 4 of our series on interacting with your child in a Montessori way, and it’s a foundational principle of building a great relationship – Mutual Respect.
Mutual Respect
The most important part of discipline is respecting each other and each other’s opinions. As your child grows older, respect his decision-making ability. Children who feel respected are less likely to rebel.
So, here is your wonderful five-year-old little girl who has decided that she wants to wear a fireman’s hat with her favorite dress and cowboy boots out to dinner. Your first instinct may be to say, “You look ridiculous. Go change your clothes.” Your child then either refuses and melts down or does as you ask with a sense of sadness. Fast forward 12 years later and your daughter announces that she is going to her friend’s house, and they are going to the mall. Unbeknownst to you, she arrives at her friend’s house and changes into an outfit that is completely inappropriate. Her outfit receives unwanted attention, and she is not equipped to handle the situation. This example my seem extreme, but it does happen.
Set up the framework for trust. Discuss with your child the “why” behind their choices and pick your battles. Children are their own individuals who will make their own choices. You want to be their guides in life, and want them to respect and share with you. Respect who they are and the choices they make will create a fantastic relationship.
Join us next Monday as we explore our next opportunity to interact with your child in a Montessori way, through Logical Consequences.
The Importance of Practical Life
In the Montessori primary classroom, the Practical Life area of the room is often the first choice for doing work, especially if a student is new to the room. The jobs in this area employ materials often found at home; such as beans, peas, cotton balls, spoons and small pitchers of water. From the untrained eye, the works seem very easy to do; and often they are. However, the underlying lessons being learned are foundational to the child’s Montessori experience. There is a process for taking the jobs to a work area, for accomplishing the task at hand and then for returning the work to its proper place on the shelf. Many steps in self control, concentration and coordination are engaged whenever a child uses the practical life materials.
Often a child is shown a work that they know they can do quickly, maybe grabbing two or three items at a time, and it is under the watchful eye of the teacher that the child is gently guided to “take one thing at a time.” It is in this slowing down that a child begins to see a pattern for doing work that is simple, clear and offers powerful results. Not only is the child setting a reliable pattern in their own mind for accomplishing the task successfully, there is a growing understanding that every task done with a “single eye” is much easier to do.
All areas of a Montessori classroom influence the habits of learning for a student; but the true foundation for learning begins in the Practical Life area. It is in this part of the classroom that the student practices their new found skills of grasping, tweezing, spooning, pouring and begins to feel at ease in doing those jobs. Not only is the child’s confidence increasing in their ability to accomplish the steps of the job, they are also being immersed in the fundamental process of looking from left to right, thus laying the pattern for pre-writing and pre-reading skills. The typical hand motion of the pincer grip used in the majority of practical life skills is a precursor for correctly holding a pencil and learning to write smoothly.
Dr. Montessori wrote in her book, The Absorbent Mind, “the first thing his education demands is the provision of an environment in which he can develop the powers given him by nature.” The Montessori classroom is a living laboratory for each student to exercise their observation skills, their ability to listen carefully to directions and most importantly to employ their own will and effort to explore the tasks at hand. She further comments, “Only through freedom and environmental experience is it practically possible for human development to occur.” The Practical Life area of the classroom is a key component for creating such an environment.